I’m not much..

Poetry
Written By Esmeralda Islas

Beginning of the year 2024

I’m not much..

I’m not much of a poet
I’m not much of anything
I hardly feel like a person
I’m just suffering, breathing, & rotting.

I like the certain sadness I carry.
Too accustomed to it, but I wasn’t always like this.

No, in fact, I was…

I was…

Hmm, seems strange. I don’t think I ever knew what or how I was.

I know nothing of myself,
Only the suffering I’ve been carrying
Since I had knowledge or reason.

I stopped asking why but I still wait at the edge,
Looking down at the void
Wondering when?

When does the pitch black shadow leave?
When do I get to be set free?

I’m shaking my head,
I’m hitting my head.

Why do you wait? Why?
Who do you wait for? Who?

It’s you. It’s you. It’s only you.
I hear the void call back.
I don’t understand, but I do
And I just don’t want to face the truth.

That all along,
All this baggage
It’s mine to let go
And deal with it myself.

Esmeralda Islas